Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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