i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
