all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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