And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
