i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
