I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
