All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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