i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
