I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
