some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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