well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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