If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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