Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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