Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
