Will you blow on my dice?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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