i don't like sucking hair
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
