I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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