So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
