It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
