The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
