i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize