We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
