Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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