He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you never un-have a 4some
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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