The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
