Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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