Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
