my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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