Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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