It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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