for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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