If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
