Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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