Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
