Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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