There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
