i think my mom watched the whole time
Quick, to the slutcave!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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