Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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