I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
