Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
