i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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