We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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