tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
