omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude i'm inner monologue high
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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