Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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