i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
