Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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