i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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