did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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