I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
