He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
