I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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