I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
