I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
