he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
