there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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