If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
