First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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