Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
