My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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