I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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