your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
