Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
