I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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