I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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