hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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