I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
