oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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