You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
