I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
