Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
