Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i dont even know how to be here
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
