i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
