Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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