Tell her she can't have a vagina
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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