Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
