is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your cock deserves a montage
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
