Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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