Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
